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[20 Jul 2007|04:14pm] |
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today i realized that i'm really never satisfied or content with anything and my mind is like a sea-saw, it's sooo hard to keep me leveled. i'm always changing my mind, going back and fourth with myself and these are things i need to change.
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[15 Jul 2007|03:21pm] |
I'm so pissed off right now.
I've been sick for like 5 days and it's reallly horrible.
I'm super congested, i have the worst cough, can't breathe through my nose and my body is so weak and tired and in pain. i've been taking cough medicine and some sinus infection pills but I'm barley getting better.
whenever i move i sweat, whenever i leave my house I'm miserable and everyone/everything gets on my nerves.
i haven't been able to go running since Wednesday because I've been soo tired.
i start school on Monday and I'm spending my last free week of summer being sick. ugh
and today i just found out that my mom has to go back to work September 4th which just means, i have no ride to school starting then and i won't be able to drive until i turn 17 on September 15th but it's not like i even have a car or money for one.
i just wish they would get me one for my birthday but I'm not that fortunate of course. i turned around and asked her how i was gonna get to school after that and all she had to say was "what did you think i was never gonna go back to work"..NO mom, that's not what i thought but you did promise me a ride to and from school everyday until i get my own car and if i don't follow through with this beauty school thing i swear i might just jump off a bridge because I'm already a failure as it is. all she kept saying was "we have no money, we'll worry about it in September" and she kept repeating "oh what did you think i was never gonna go back to work" no matter how many times i said "i'm not trying to say you shouldn't go back to work but how do you expect me to get to school. all you care about is yourself, this is my life on the line and we're not gonna worry about it at the last minute".
then she just slapped me real hard in the face with the whole "well you shouldn't have dropped out of high school" ordeal and all i said was "okay well there's nothing i can do about that now" as i proceeded to cry. there's no reason to throw that in my face, what the fuck. when i was going through all that shit that caused me to drop out, she didn't fulfill her position as the leader/mother in my life and take control nor did she try and help me as much as she should have. she just let me do what ever i wanted and when a little girl who is going out doing whatever she wants with no guidance or discipline, you're damn right she's gonna fall off her track and make stupid mistakes. and I'm finally seeing where i went wrong and i'm trying so hard to get my shit together so my future doesn't suck and of course there are more obstacles that just make me believe I'm meant to be just like my father.
ohh life.
why doesn't anything ever just work out in my favor?
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[03 Jul 2007|02:48am] |
today was wonderfulll. brittany and franklin woke me up to smoke a blunt and get food, we ran some errands, met up with thomas, holly, and johnny then i got dropped off at home to change and wash my face and all that good stuff. i was suposed to go to vikki's party but that didn't happen so i met back up with them, went to bower and me and britt chased after the ice cream lady*, then franklin had to give his mom back the car so they came over and we just chilled. we went back to brittany's and smoked a blunt and then i came up with the wonderful idea of playing sharades. it was mad funny but didn't last long. when franklin got the car back we drove around for a bit with nothing to do then we went to bower and saw alyssa, brendan, matt and hira so we chilled then left to get a dutch and then when we came back MadDd heads starting showing up. it was like a play ground party. the only bad part of this night is that i lost my pot leaf earings because some boys decided to wrestle me down and swing me around and then they attemped to throw me in the garbage while we were playing handball. ahaha mad funny night, i loved it <3
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[01 Jul 2007|01:14am] |
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Last night I met up with Christina and Anna..then Mary and then a billion other people and we went to 2 parties. They were a bit weird but smokin blunts with my niggas who I misssed so god damn much was soooo wonderful. Me & Christina smoked a blunt with Tom C then went to bed for 4 hours. Today I had such a bad headache and it somehow made my jaw hurt so bad. Never felt anything like it..so I took 1 and a half Tylenol pain killer thingys at work and from there on out, time went sooooo slow. It felt like the day was never gonna endddd. Ugh, I hated it. Then after work, I was told there was a costume party ..then everyone said it was canceled but then they said they found another one, then it was canceled and on and off & yadda yadda. I was soooo annoyed by the end of the night because I walked 2 fucking miles to this party just to turn around and go back home..I ruined my sneakers and I really never wanna wear them again, I wasted money eating for no damn reason and I only have like 10 bucks left to my name nowww. I was home by 11:30 on a Saturday night in the summer. WTF is this shittt??? I don't know why I haven't been happy lately but it's pretty fuckin gay! ughh
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